Alfie Kohn Quotes

You have to welcome their arguing with you, not to the point of disrespect, but if they are going to stand up for themselves, they need to learn to argue effectively. - Alfie Kohn

You have to give them unconditional love. They need to know that even if they screw up, you love them. You don't want them to grow up and resent you or, even worse, parent the way you parented them. - Alfie Kohn

When we do things that are controlling, whether intentional or not, we are not going to get those long-term outcomes. - Alfie Kohn

When test scores go up, we should worry, because of how poor a measure they are of what matters, and what you typically sacrifice in a desperate effort to raise scores. - Alfie Kohn

What is equally striking to me is this ... there isn't a sense of a community solving problems together, rather there's punishment for aberrant individuals. - Alfie Kohn

What can we surmise about the likelihood of someone's being caring and generous, loving and helpful, just from knowing that they are a believer? Virtually nothing, say psychologists, sociologists, and others who have studied that question for decade. - Alfie Kohn

We think of ways that we can control them, whether it be with a spanking or a gold sticker or a parent constantly saying, 'Good job, good job, good job.' - Alfie Kohn

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. - Alfie Kohn

Sometimes we have to put our foot down... but before we deliberately make children unhappy in order to get them to get into the car, or to do their homework or whatever, we need to weigh whether what we're doing to make it happen is worth the possible strain on our relationship with them. - Alfie Kohn

Most parents want to know what they can do to make their children do as they're told. - Alfie Kohn

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