Daniel Tosh Quotes

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. - Daniel Tosh

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken. - Daniel Tosh

Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup. - Daniel Tosh

There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting. - Daniel Tosh

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood. - Daniel Tosh

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.' - Daniel Tosh

Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely. - Daniel Tosh

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all. - Daniel Tosh

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