Emo Philips Quotes

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. - Emo Philips

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. - Emo Philips

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day. - Emo Philips

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. - Emo Philips

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce. - Emo Philips

People always ask me, Where were you when Kennedy was shot? Well, I don't have an alibi. - Emo Philips

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. - Emo Philips

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. - Emo Philips

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him. - Emo Philips

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. - Emo Philips

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