George Carlin Quotes

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic. - George Carlin

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. - George Carlin

You get to play with people's little danger zones. - George Carlin

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces rather than one-liners, so since writing books, the process hasn't changed much. A piece in my live routine can end up as part of one of my HBO specials, and it can also end up in one of the books. - George Carlin

Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. - George Carlin

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. - George Carlin

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. - George Carlin

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. - George Carlin

Page 1 of 14

Next -> Last ->>