Phyllis Diller Quotes

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. - Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. - Phyllis Diller

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone. - Phyllis Diller

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run. - Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. - Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children. - Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. - Phyllis Diller

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