Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Where are all the 'during' photos? I've never seen one.

- Mitch Hedberg

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One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit**, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera. What's it look like?' - Mitch Hedberg

My roommate said, 'I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird-a** quiz, where he reveals the answer first. - Mitch Hedberg

Sometimes I make some money doin' comedy. I made $3000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash, so I had $3000 in my front pocket. That was a bad situation, because then I start to buy ridulous sh**. Like, I bought a snake-bite emergency repair kit. Then I said to my friends, 'Don't even worry about snakes anymore.' Then my friend stepped on a worm, I said, 'Lay down.' Snake bite emergency repair kit... is a body bag. - Mitch Hedberg