Funny Facebook Status Quotes

You text him, he doesn't text back. He was obviously so excited that you texted him that he fainted. - Unknown

You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am "THE GOD OF FLAKES." - Unknown

You know how they say when you die, your whole life flashes before you? Well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? - Unknown

You have at least two addresses memorized; Your own address and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. - Unknown

Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance? - Unknown

Women who complain are like yellow traffic lights. Nobody really pays attention to them. - Unknown

Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, & can make boneless meat. - Unknown

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession. - Unknown

Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio. - Unknown

Why is there a show called When animals attack? It should be called When stupid people go near dangerous animals. - Unknown