Schrute Quotes

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed. - Dwight Schrute

Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good. - Dwight Schrute

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what Im being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, Im going wherever they value loyalty the most. - Dwight Schrute

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones. - Dwight Schrute

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. - Dwight Schrute

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. - Dwight Schrute

Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. - Dwight Schrute

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on- bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season. - Dwight Schrute

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? - Dwight Schrute

The eyes are the groin of the head. - Dwight Schrute