Elayne Boosler Quotes

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot. - Elayne Boosler

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? - Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. - Elayne Boosler

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.' - Elayne Boosler

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy. - Elayne Boosler

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. - Elayne Boosler

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying. - Elayne Boosler

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. - Elayne Boosler

I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent. - Elayne Boosler

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