Emo Philips Quotes

I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center. - Emo Philips

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?' - Emo Philips

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.' - Emo Philips

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. - Emo Philips

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks. - Emo Philips

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. - Emo Philips

I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult. - Emo Philips

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. - Emo Philips

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