Jon Stewart Quotes

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

- Jon Stewart

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Equal | Opportunity | Anythings | Beauty | Fake |

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Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. - Jon Stewart

Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird. - Jon Stewart

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle. - Jon Stewart