Emo Philips Quotes

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

- Emo Philips

Tags

Girl | Night | Responding | Skillful | Caresses |

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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. - Emo Philips

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. - Emo Philips

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day. - Emo Philips