Daniel Tosh Quotes

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school. - Daniel Tosh

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot. - Daniel Tosh

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. - Daniel Tosh

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in. - Daniel Tosh

Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. If I can be perfect why can't you? - Daniel Tosh

In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows. - Daniel Tosh

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long. - Daniel Tosh

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance -- fake. - Daniel Tosh

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background? - Daniel Tosh

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