Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! - Mitch Hedberg

Dogs are forever in the push up postion. - Mitch Hedberg

Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen. - Mitch Hedberg

COME ON YOU'RE FROM THE SOUTH YOU UNDERSTAND, I MEAN I'M IN THE STH I WANT SOME SP. - Mitch Hedberg

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes. - Mitch Hedberg

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9? I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick. - Mitch Hedberg

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. - Mitch Hedberg

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. - Mitch Hedberg

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