Emo Philips Quotes

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

- Emo Philips

Tags

Funny | Jokes | | Pray | Night |

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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?' - Emo Philips

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. - Emo Philips

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. - Emo Philips