W. C. Fields Quotes

You know women ought to be like bank notes. You ought to be able to exchange one 40 for two 20's. - W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - W. C. Fields

You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in the first place. - W. C. Fields

Who has not experienced the unutterable despair that follows the crash of a treasured bottle. - W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. - W. C. Fields

Whatever is worth having is worth cheating for. - W. C. Fields

What this country needs is money! - W. C. Fields

What is the presidency but a glorified business -- or, at least, a fine racket. - W. C. Fields

Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth . . . she used to have to sleep with her head in a safe. - W. C. Fields

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking . . . that this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whiskey. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything. . . . - W. C. Fields

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